CALLING ALL WETBACKS

In other CRAZY news:

When the police searched the home of the maniac who murdered more than 20 small children and their teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School they reportedly found NRA certificates in the maniac's and the maniac's mother's names.  They also found an NRA handbook on pistol use.

This caused the NRA administrators (gun and ammo lobbyists) to immediately institute operation Charlie Rabid Action Zero Yankee, or -- CRAZY, as it's known in the NRA manifesto.  The NRA employs CRAZY whenever "bad news" of Another American Mass Murder occurs.

 "The NRA denies the maniac who killed five and six year old children was ever an NRA member even though a certificate in his name on an NRA official membership form has been found. What's important is not some piece of paper that may or may not even exist but that the maniac obviously watched too many violent video games, violent video games like the ones our violent video game partners create."  NRA mouthpiece Wayne – Call Me Crazy – LaPierre said.

If the maniac wasn't an NRA member then why were NRA certificates found in his possessions?  It's a mystery for the ages, because everyone knows the NRA would never lie about something like that.  Would they?

Police also found more than 1600 ammo rounds during their search.  The NRA has fought any efforts to keep records on how many guns or how much ammunition an individual buys.

In the five minutes that the maniac was firing on five and six year old children he discharged 154 rounds.  Even after killing himself he still had 100 rounds left. 

Limit clip size?  Don't be ridiculous.  If maniacs have limited amounts of ammo for killing little children it will step on their Second Amendment rights.

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 Republicants are divided about what to do on immigration reform, some want it, some don't.  But there's one thing ALL Republicants agree on and that it's smart politics to make nice with Hispanics since they're a potent voting constituency.  

That gentler, kinder Republicant Hispanic strategy was on full display yesterday when a Republicant Congressman called immigrant workers 'wetbacks.'  Wetbacks, if you don't know, is a term of endearment that Hispanics always like to hear.  Two thumbs up to Congressman Don Young on his Hispanic outreach.

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Another Republicant – Dale Peterson – who likes to use his guns in his political ads because "We Republicants is tough on crime" was arrested AGAIN for shoplifting.

He's been arrested before for stealing beer and cans of cashews.  This latest run in with the law happened after Peterson was spotted by security guards at a Sam's Club eating a can of cashews and then putting the can back on the shelf.

Zwicky doesn’t see what the big deal is.  Can't a Republicant who uses his guns in political ads so he appears tough on crime steal cashews and beer without being made to look like some kind of hypocritical buffoon? 

Zwicky likes cashews and beer too, tho Zwicky isn't a Republicant who's tough on crime so Zwicky foolishly pays cash.

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In other gun news:

If continual mass murders aren't enough to convince the cowardly idiots in Washington to vote for serious gun control laws maybe economics will.  The cost of gun deaths in 2005, the last year for which figures are available, is estimated at $37 BILLION. 

That figure again is THIRTY SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS. 

The cost of treatment for those who survived gun violence is estimated at $3.7 BILLION that year.

A Faux News poll found that 85% of respondents want universal background checks.  Faux is fair and balanced so the poll must be too.

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REPUBLICANT CHRISTIAN FAMILY VALUES

In other you do the sacrificing news:

The Republicant Gov. of Texas won't play ball with Obama-care as Zwicky explained recently, costing his state 10 gazillion dollars that would help those without health insurance, a group of Texans greater than the population of the state of Missouri.  A growing list of Republicant govs like Scott in Fla and Kasich in Ohio – flat earthers who are at least teachable – have chosen to take the Feds money.  But not Rick Perry, by golly, he equates it to "Federalized bribery, and I don't cotton to it, no sir."

Perry's cruel ignorance will contribute to almost 300,000 veterans nationally missing out on Medicaid coverage, too.  It's fine for veterans and their families to do all the heavy lifting but Republicant governors like Perry say "To bad muchachos" when it comes to helping those who went in harm's way.

Perry just gave a speech to some family values group down in Texas explaining in Perry-speak ALL ABOUT FAMILY VALUES, and how the bible says that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman.  (Do family values include helping veterans who need help?  Zwicky wonders …. ?)

Of course Perry is completely wrong, the bible doesn't say anything remotely close to marriage being between one man and one woman or the Mormons wouldn't have a concubine to stand on. And is Perry implying that there's something wrong with Rush Limbaugh's four (4) wives? Or Newt Gingrich?  Isn't Newt (whatthehell knda name is Newt?) on wifey numero tres?

Don't Mess with Texas?  How about they change the state motto to – What a Mess is Texas.

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Everyone knows the Republicants are the FAMILY VALUES PARTY, that's why Perry was speechifying about it, everyone knows this except a lot of Republicant politicians.  

Mark Sanford was the Republicant governor of South Carolina who disappeared incognito-like in June 2009, reported by his office to be hiking the Appalachian Trail.  His hike was so vigorous it took him all the way to Argentina where he shacked up with his mistress for a spell.

When Sanford had had his fill of Argentinian food and Spanish language television he returned to SC where he rent his garments and said he'd been unfaithful to his wife.  His wife didn't cotton to this, no matter how many garments were rent.  She moved out of the Governor's mansion and took the kids with her.

So much for those family values. 

Sanford was also the Chairman of the Republicants Governors Conference because Republicants just can't have too much family values, they're overflowing with it.  Sanford resigned his post while repenting in sack cloth and ashes.  

Then, so's he could spend more time searching his soul, he hiked on back to South America, staying at resorts in Argentina with the object of his affection close at hand.   Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa was heard coming repeatedly from the cabana nearest the pool.

Now – halleluiah -- Sanford's years of exile and introspection are over.  The Lord has instructed him in the way he should go and the way he should go is back into politics.  Sanford is in a close run-off race for a South Carolina house seat, with the prospect of running against Stephen Colbert's sister.  Good luck Mark, may the Lord be with you.

(An interesting sidebar – Sanford asked his Ex to be his campaign manager.  She said "you're loco in la cabaza. Now get off my lawn.  And take that Argentinian tramp with you.")

Republicants ... the party of family values … emphasis on party.

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In other gun news:

Like New York and Colorado, Delaware is moving ahead with new serious gun control laws.  If the cowards in Washington won't do the job the states will.

A maniac in upstate New York killed four and injured two patrons of a barbershop.  Add barbershops to churches, schools, colleges, malls, theatres and post offices where you are not safe from gun violence. 

Guns don't kill people, people with bad haircuts kill people.

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TEA BAGGING TEXAS SEN TED CRUZ CAN RELATE

FLAT EARTHERS, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS AND SLUT CALLER OUTERS

In other what color is the sky in their world news:

It's been a year since Rush Oxycontin Limbaugh called college student Sandra Fluke a slut.  Within days, 100 advertisers and 2 radio stations dumped The One Note Blowhard for his nastiness.  That was then and this is now and is all forgiven in crazyland?  Seems not. The CEO of Cumulus Media which carries El Rushbo on 38 stations says the repercussions continue, costing his company millions.  Of dollars, that is.

                                

    

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Republicant, tea party, purity, in-fighting gets juicier by the minute. Rand Paul, the flat earth senator from KY, said that female impersonator Ann Coulter and renowned slut caller-outer Rush Limbo are both WRONG about immigration reform.  Paul sorta, kinda, maybe welcomes his brethren from south of the border, but Coulter and Limbaugh say over their cold, dead bodies.

Coulter didn't cotton to Paul's publicly demeaning 'her' about how 'she's' on the wrong side of the immigration debate, and 'she' said so on Faux news.  "Rand Paul wants to legalize them inigrants and that's not all.  No siree.  He's also a-favored of legalizin' the demon marijuana."  Coulter said snarkily which is how Coulter pretty much says everything.  "No Mexican lovin' pot smoker ain't never gonna be no Republicant nami-knee fer president.  That's fer sure." 

Coulter also made fun of Paul's stature, not as a Neanderthal politician but as someone suffering from little man syndrome.  "He's too short", 'She' said while wrapping her long emaciated legs around a helpless rabbit and squeezing the breath from the adorable little bunny.

Apparently Coulter likes her men tall, if the never married, conservative, stork-like, vampire-ish creature likes them at all.

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The Democrats raised $500,000 in just 24 hours after the Neanderthal Republicants passed Paul – Russian atheist lover – Ryan's budget. Well done Republicants, thanx for the cash.  Now could you vote to repeal Obama care again?  The Dems ought to get a few million for that.

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In other gun news:

A 67 year old man was walking around his Tacoma Washington neighborhood shooting randomly at his neighbor's houses.  Guns don't shoot at neighbor's houses, crazy old men shoot at neighbor's houses.

In Fla., 91% want universal background checks, including 88% of registered gun owners.

Wayne-Call Me Crazy says that violent video games are the reason for gun violence, not the guns. 

Wrong as usual, Crazy. 

In 2008, in Japan, per capita spending on video games was $55.  In the US it was $44.  The Japanese spent 125% more on video games than Americans did so – according to Crazy's 'logic' -- there should have been more gun violence in Japan.  Right?  Wrong. 

Japan had 11 gun homicides in 2008, the US had 11,030.  Why the HUGE difference?  Guns are almost impossible to get in Japan.  Duh.

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I SEEN IT IN PICTURES TOOK FROM THAT THERE OTTER SPACE

In other who cares what happens at Faux news:

Faux News just got hit with a BIG BOYCOTT from Tea Partiers. The way Zwicky heard the story goes something like this:

Roger Ailes –the fat bald guy who runs Faux let it slip that he no longer believed the earth was flat.  "I seen pictures took from the otter space and the earth looked kinda round to me."  Ailes said to the assistant who is always with him, the one who serves Ailes double stuffed Oreo cookies on a silver platter. 

Unfortunately for Ailes the assistant was so shocked by Ailes departure from rightwingwacko doctrine that he repeated the blasphemous round earth comment at a tea bag get together and the damage was done.  Tea baggers everywhere were OUTRAGED.

Ailes tried to limit the injury by issuing this statement: "What my assistant thought he heard was incorrect and that's why he's been transferred to our affiliate in Rangoon.  What I actually said was that the earth never looked flatter to me and those space pictures supposedly took from otter space are hoaxes from that there Obammer, socialistical administration government which I oppose with all my fiber."

But it was too late, the tea baggers turned off Faux fir three days and fir three nites just like it directs in the holy bible Amen

The flat earther, tea bagging, Neanderthals 
claim their boycott cut Faux viewership by 20%.

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Don't go away, there's more to the story.  Bill O'Reilly, the sexual predator that Ailes pays about $20 mil a year, tried to come to Ailes assistance.  O'Reilly dangled a shiny object in front of the tea baggers in an attempt to divert their attention.  On his show Billy featured a newly conceived segment on a non-existent War on Easter.  

Billy Boy is notorious for fighting the non-existent War on Christmas, but this was the first time Billy stood to fight on behalf of Easter eggs.

It remains to be seen if O'Reilly's blatant try at baiting the oldster, recliner, prune eater, flat earthers in his audience will be successful. 

It didn't help Ailes none.   

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In other gun news:

While cleaning his shotgun, a man in North Carolina accidentally killed his ten year old son.  The man will go to jail.  That won't bring the boy back or provide any solace to the boy's mother.

Zwicky told you a week ago about another man who accidentally killed his ten month old baby boy while screwing around with one of his guns.

Both the incidents provide proof of the FACT that guns in the home make the home less – not more – secure.

RED FEELING BLUE

In other wouldn't it be great news:

Here's a realistic scenario that would keep Republicants from ever again winning the presidency:

1 -- Colorado used to be a battleground state but not no more.  Obama won easily and the state is now securely progressive.  They've voted to legally smoke marijuana in the governor's office and just passed some of the toughest gun regs in the country.  Colorado is blue – give eight Electoral College votes to the Dems.

2 – Florida has been a battleground state but recent polls show bad news for Republicants.  Nobody likes The current Rep governor – Rick Scott, including Republicants.  And the last governor, who was driven out of the Rep party for purity sins, flipped and wisely became a Democrat.  That gov – Charlie Crist – now has a HIGHER approval rating than Scott.  

Add to those storm warnings for Reps the fact that Hillary Clinton beats Jeb Bush and Marco Thirsty-o Rubio by eleven and twelve points in Fla president polls.  Bush was a Fla gov and Thirsty-o is their senator.  

It's like when Willard the Romney couldn't carry Michigan, his home state, or Mass where he was governor, or California where he has a home with the car elevator. And Paul – the Russian atheist lover – Ryan couldn't carry his home state or even his hometown.  

It seems the more voters get to know these Republicants the less they like them.  

Florida turning blue means another 29 permanent Electoral College votes for Democrats.

3 – Texas has been securely red but that may change if the genius of a governor who jogs with a pistol so he can shoot coyotes doesn't get on board with Obama-care. Texas has 38 Electoral College votes which is a mighty big haul but those votes are in jeopardy due to Rick Perry.  Perry won't expand Medicaid coverage in his state means he's refusing $100 billion from the Feds to help those who need help.  (What kind of heartless idiot refuses $100 billion to help people who need it?)  

And Texas has the HIGHEST rate and number of uninsured of any state, 25% of Texans or 6 million people.  Guess who a lot of those uninsured are – Hispanics, expected to be one third of eligible voters by 2016.  And those Hispanic numbers will continue to grow AFTER 2016, which means Texas will eventually be spelled – B-L-U-E. 

Put another 38 electoral college votes PERMANENTLY in the Democratic column.  When Texas goes permanently B-L-U-E, spell Republicant White House dreams –

D-E-A-D.

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In other gun news:

The slime balls who run the NRA (as opposed to many of their members who have no control over the slime-balls and are friends of Zwicky) are running robocalls in Newtown Conn, just three months after five and six year olds were murdered.  The robocalls present the NRA insane opposition to any sensible gun control measures.  Siblings, family members or kids who were friends with the victims could have answered those robocalls. Says a lot about the kind of low-lifes who make their millions $$$$$$$$$$$ from the gun and ammo death lobby.

Here's George Carlin again, this time with video, blasting the NRA and Wayne-Call Me Crazy.

The language is BAD so if you have PG ears, DONT WATCH.

A SPECIAL PALM SUNDAY INSTALLMENT OF PRICELESS ZWICKY WISDOM

In other silly rightwingwacko news:

Zwicky loves a good laugh and nothing is funnier than listening to The Drugster huff and puff for a few minutes as Zwicky did last Friday when Zwicky was stuck in traffic. (Zwicky would never waste any valuable time on the Drugster.)  The former drug addict known as El Rushbo was cooing orgasm-like about a guy 99.9% of the country has never heard of.

That guy is Ben Carson, a doctor who is a conservative or a tea bagger or some other regressive life form.  What makes the good doctor so appealing to Limbaugh is that he's BLACK.  There are only nine black conservatives in the whole union so when Limbaugh stumbles across one he holds it up and studies it like a rare bug.  Limbaugh declared at least five times that Doctor Carson was a REAL AMERICAN.  Which was meant to be in contrast to President Obama who, in Limbaugh's mind, is not a real American because Obama doesn't believe the earth is flat.

Limbaugh also said of Dr. Carson that he's "probably got everybody in The Democrat (sic) party scared to death".  This is reminiscent of Limbaugh saying that Democrats were petrified of Sarah Palin.  Democrats are scared to death of neither Carson nor Palin, although REPUBLICANTS were petrified when they thought Palin might actually run for president last time around.  Anybody But Palin, was a Republicant war cry.

Limbaugh, in his blessed ignorance, thinks Democrats are 'scared to death' of Dr. Carson because in Limbaugh's little brain that means all black voters would vote for Carson if he runs for president, which Carson has hinted he might.  This is the same silliness that leads Limbaugh and other flat earthers to conclude that if Marco Thirsty-o Rubio runs for president all Hispanics will vote for him because Thirsty-o is Hispanic. 

It's true -- some people vote race and ethnicity -- but the majority votes their own self-interest (except for some lower and middle class whites who stupidly continue to vote Republicant). 

Democratic POLICIES are more helpful to blacks and Hispanics and that's why those groups overwhelmingly vote D, an obvious but inconvenient truth that The Drugster and other Neanderthals have yet to grasp.
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Have a Peaceful Palm Sunday. Don't forget to pray for the flat earthers -- they know not what they do.

GET ON BOARD OR FIND OTHER EMPLOYMENT.

In other flat earth news:

Unlike President Obama who was born in the United States (yes, tea-baggers, Hawaii is a State), Joe McCarthy Communist witch hunter wannabe Ted Cruz was born in CANADA (no, tea baggers, Canada is NOT a state).

Ted Cruz, if you don't know, is the goofball senator from the Great State of Texas (Yes, tea-baggers, Texas is – unfortunately – a state). Tea bagger Cruz says he came to Washington to shake things up.  

How's that been goin' for ya, Cruz?

People who don't know s**t from apple butter about politics have suggested that Cruz will make a great Republicant Hispanic candidate for president.

Ha.

Zwicky predicts right here that not only will Cruz never be president he won't even be re-elected as a senator.

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Faux News – We distort, you shut up and do as you're told – which was a great advocate of the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld push for going to war in Iraq, has now, at the War's ten year anniversary, covered that anniversary LESS than any cable news network.  That's Faux – misinformed and cowardly.  Faux spent lots of energy praising Bush over the years, what about honoring all the sacrifices made by the troops and their families.  How about it Faux?  What are you afraid of?

And speaking of cowardly, Faux has yet to say anything about how it covered the Menendez/hooker story for weeks, but has been silent since the hookers recanted.  That's Faux  -- Faux means never having to say you're sorry.  

Just like their sexual predator pundit Bill O'Reilly who never admits it when he's WRONG.  Which is understandable since he'd spend all his time apologizing for all his screw ups.

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Another right wing propaganda company – The Washington Post – published 27 editorials in favor of the war before it began, but has yet say ANYTHING editorially on the war's 10 year anniversary.  Cut from the same cowardly clothe as Faux.

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Democratic strategy for coming elections will employ a new twist on the gun debate.  Republicants have finally realized that they can't continue bashing Hispanic immigrants and other minorities and ever hope to win elections and Obamacare is settled law.  So those issues won't have much relevancy going forward.  But Democrats see a BIG advantage in hammering Republicants who vote against sensible gun laws.  They will make it a women/children safety issue.  More than 90% of voters want UNIVERSAL background checks, including a majority of NRA members.  And a majority want a ban on assault weapons.  The majority WILL get what it wants.  Gun control will prevail in this country slowly but surely.  Republicant politicians can get on board or find other employment.

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George Carlin rips the NRA and Gun and ammo pitchman Wayne LaPierre.  The language isn't PG so if you're offended please skip the clip.

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In other Zwicky news:  Zwicky's e-book --- A Tree Grows in Perryvale -- available from Amazon, is now among their TOP SELLERS. 

Congratulations Zwicky. 

Get your copy for only $2.99 here.  

A Tree Grows in Perryvale is funny and has the same brilliant political slant as the Zwicky blog you love so much. 

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