CRAZY: adj. Affected with madness; insane; senseless

On Sunday's Meet the Press,  Wayne LaPierre  -- mouthpiece for the gun manufacturer's lobby the NRA – said "Call me crazy." 

Okay.  No problem, LaPierre.  "You're crazy."

Crazy LaPierre said to call him crazy because he said we need armed guards in all our schools.  We need guards with guns to protect our children from maniacs with guns  … the guns manufactured by the people LaPierre speaks for.  

It's a symmetrical logic that can't be duplicated in this universe: we need more guns because too many people have guns and so we need guns to protect us from people with guns which means more guns for the gun manufacturers to sell.  And make money from.

It's simple and profitable and if you can't make money on guns that are used to kill little children then what is this country coming to?

Communism?  Socialism?

From my cold dead hands.

Except that at the Columbine high school where 12 students and a teacher were murdered and 24 people were wounded TWO ARMED GUARDS WERE PRESENT.  An inconvenient detail that gun lobbyist Crazy LaPierre failed to mention.

And at the Virginia Tech massacre where 32 people were murdered and 17 were wounded, ARMED SECURITY GUARDS WERE ON CAMPUS.  Another inconvenient detail Crazy LaPierre didn't bring up at this Friday press conference or in his appearance on Meet The Press.

The cost of stationing armed, trained police officers at all the nation's public schools is estimated to be $5.7 BILLION.  Okay, Crazy LaPierre, let's hear you advocate raising taxes on gun owners to pick up the tab for the $5.7 BILLION. 

We're waiting.  
That's the sound of crickets you hear as we wait for Crazy LaPierre to demand gun owners be taxed $5.7 BILLION for security at schools.

Just before Crazy LaPierre's Friday press conference where he pushed the idea of spending $5.7 BILLION to put a cop in every school, a gunman in Pennsylvania killed three people, including a woman putting up Christmas decorations at a church.  Does Crazy LaPierre suggest putting a cop in every church in the country, too?

Why stop there?

How about college campuses like Virginia Tech?  Using Crazy LaPierre's logic we need a cop in every campus building.  Also, in every hospital, shopping mall, movie theatre and post office.  Armed guards need to be everywhere. 

EVERYWHERE.   WE NEED GUARDS EVERYWHERE, I TELL YOU.

Last week another maniac set fire to his house and when the fire trucks arrived he killed two firemen.  Crazy LaPierre's solution --  armed guards on fire trucks.  

EVERYWHERE.   WE NEED GUARDS EVERYWHERE, I TELL YOU.

At his press conference Crazy LaPierre blamed violence in society on violent video games.  Does Crazy LaPierre know that the NRA partners with companies that MANUFACTURE VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES???         

Crazy LaPierre is calling his own gun manufacturers lobby group – the NRA – a reason for our violent society.  Not because of guns but because of games.

Guns don't kill people, games kill people?

"Call me crazy", Crazy La…Pierre pleads.

You're crazy, Crazy LaPierre.  And dangerous.  And immoral. 

NO MORE TUBE SOX AND I MEAN IT

When I was a child, I spake like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.

So spake … I mean spoke … St Paul in his letter to the Corinthians (whoever they were).  And his words are appropriate in this festive, holiday, Christmas season of joy everywhere except at John Boehner's house.  But let us put politics away for now and contemplate the true meaning of not being a child anymore, because Virginia, there is no Santa Claus.

When I was a child Christmas meant celebrating the birth of baby Santa and PRESENTS.  The more presents the better.  Lots and lots of presents.  But NOT underwear.  Underwear is no gift for a child. 

But as one ages and matures and gets older and cranky one realizes that Christmas is about much more than presents.

That's because as one ages and matures and gets older and cranky one has pretty much got all the stuff one needs.  Presents aren't as important as they were when I was nine and wanted a race car set to assemble and break in the basement.

I don't need a car or a television or a cell phone or a blu ray player or a recliner or more tube sox or another shirt or jacket.  That's why presents have lost their appeal – cause I got all kindsa stuff.  
A house and basement and garage and storage locker FULL OF STUFF.  Enough with the stuff.  Don't give me anymore damned stuff.  And I mean it.

Now, as I've aged and matured and gotten older and crankier I see that what matters most at this time of year is something more lasting and sublime.

Now what matters is food and drink.  Lots of both.

The holidays are a time for eating and drinking to excess and worrying about the consequences in January.  That's when there's nothing to do anyways and most likely we'll have gone over the fiscal cliff.

I mention the fiscal cliff only because this is supposed to be a political blog.

But Right Now I'm indifferent to fiscal cliffs.  Now I'm thinking of champagne, turkey, stuffing, pecan and cherry pies, olive topped canapés, shrimp cocktail, cookies, Christmas ales, mashed potatoes, yams, buttermilk biscuits … and some good scotch. 

When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways in favor of gluttony.  One of the seven deadly sins I mean to work on next year.
Starting in January.

Late January.

At the latest.

Or … Maybe February.

THE RIGHT TO BEAR MUSKETS SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED

1- 55% of Americans favor MAJOR restrictions on gun ownership, including 15% who favor banning guns completely, according to a CNN poll just completed.

2- Top mouth piece for the NRA, Wayne LaPierre, has a take home pay of more than $1 million.

The NRA is not an organization for sportsmen.  It's a lobbying group for gun manufacturers.

3- In China, a maniac attacked 22 school children … ALL the kids survived because the maniac used a knife. Guns are virtually impossible to get your hands on … in China … and in most other countries too.

4- In 1996 an Australian maniac killed 35 people with an automatic weapon.  The Australian Prime Minister at the time said "We do not want the American disease imported into Australia", referring to the American obsession with lethal weaponry intended for use in wars.  Assault weapons were banned, licensing was tightened and buy-back programs took guns off the street. Since then there have been NO further massacres in Australia.

5- In the U.S. children are 13 -- THIRTEEN -- TIMES more likely to be killed by guns than in any other developed nation.  That includes YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR GRAND CHILDREN, it's not always SOMEBODY ELSE.

6- The higher the gun ownership in a state, the higher YOUR chances of being killed by a gun.

7- The News Herald, Politics with Pete blogger writes that before he goes to bed at night he loads his .357 and then sleeps like a baby.  I hope his and his wife's life insurance premiums are up to date because a Harvard study found that guns in the home DECREASE security,  guns in the home increase intimidation and killing of women and  there's no evidence that guns in the home reduces break ins.

8- Here's Amendment II to the United States Constitution:  A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. 

What if Amendment II to the United States Constitution read thus:  A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear muskets, shall not be infringed.

Cumbersome to load, single shot muskets and pistols were the only guns available when the Constitution was amended.

                             

It takes those clowns six months to name a post office

Michigan just joined the Right To Work crowd of states, otherwise known as the Right To Work For Less crowd of states.  The legislation was first proposed last Thursday ...

LAST THURSDAY? 

no Committee hearings were held …

WHAT?

voted into law when the mandatory five day waiting period had been satisfied …

HUH?

then immediately signed into law by the governor.

Wait a minute.  What's the rush?  Since when does any government anywhere do anything in five days?  It takes those clowns six months to name a post office.

The legislature is Republican and the governor is a Republican.

So what?

Republicans hate unions.

Since when?

Since at least as far back as when that giant of steely resolve Ronald Reagan took on the weakest union in the Federal System – the air traffic controllers union.

Why do Republicans hate unions?

Because Republican politicians are beholden to corporations that have to employ people.

So?  People are people too, my friend.

True.  But people in unions are fond of things like decent wages, health care, sick leave, vacations.

What's wrong with vacations?  Who doesn't like a vaction?

Corporations don’t like to pay for stuff like decent wages, health care, sick leave, vacations.  

What do corporations like to do?

They like to keep as much of the money for the managers and stock holders and CEO's and other people who don’t get their hands dirty.

What's wrong with dirty hands?

Not a thing.  But making less money is bad.

I'm confused, I thought we were talking about the Right To Work – you know the RTW.

In RTW states, workers made an average of $7600 less than Michigan workers.

Oh, $7600.  That's a lot of dirty hands action.

And in RTW states workplace deaths are 41% higher than in states where unions protect workers.

Hmmm …

Workers go without health insurance.

Don't get sick.

Poverty rates and infant mortality rates are higher in RTW states.

If you're so smart, and RTW is so bad, then why did Michigan pass it?

Because The Following Anti-union, Big Business Groups put big $$$$$$$$$ into it:

The Chamber of Commerce – the largest business coalition in the country

Walmart

Tax obsessed Grover Norquist's group

Anti-union Alliance for Workers Freedom

Disgraced Congressman Tom Delay

Holland Coors of the Coors beer fortune (consider that next time you order a Coors Lite)

Koch brothers funded Freedomworks and Americans for Prosperity

They really, really, really, really don't like unions … do they?

No, they really DON"T.

How's about we cut all Senators salaries by ... 20%?

There's a lot of ideas floating around about ways to fix America's fiscal house, because fiscal houses cannot long endure unless they're fixed.  Or at least patched.

One idea floated by Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions who has been a senator since 1996 (that makes 16 years on the tax payer's dime, if anybody's counting) is that we need to clamp down on Food Stamps.  "Too many peoples gittin' food stamps" according to Sessions, "we cain't afford it no more."

He didn't say it exactly like that but in my limited experience with people from Alabama they all sound alike. 

I called Sessions office to offer another idea for gittin' our fiscal house in order 'cause I wanted to see what they'd say.  My idea was this: how's about we cut ALL Senators – that would include Sessions who worked about 90 days last year -- salary by 20%, from $174,00 to $139,200 which is still more than 2.5 times what the average American makes, and we cut their staffs by 20% too.

It's typical of people like Sessions that they're always lookin' someplace ELSE to do the cuttin' but never in their own trough.  So far, the Sessions folks ain't gived me a answer yet on my idea.

So I'm a-still a-waitin'.

Another proposal floated by Dennis Hof, proprietor of a Nevada cat house where cat housing is legal, is that the government should legalize prostitution and then TAX IT.  Hof claims to pay $350,000 a year in taxes.  "The government can have that money or spend a fortune on a vice squad.  People are gonna do it anyways, so why not legalize it and TAX IT?"  According to The Christian Post, who seem like the last people you'd suspect of reliability on the subject, $30 mil is spent on the oldest profession in the US annually.  As sensible as Hof's argument may be, he says the US is too 'square' to take his advice.

Okay then, how about TAXING POT?  This idea has been floated so often it's hard to pin it on anybody specific.  But now that three or five or seven or ?????? more states have decriminalized it, why not go whole hog and make some green off the grass. As sensible as this idea may be the US is probably too 'square' to do it either.

Finally, we have this from some billionaires who got together over a billionaires lunch and came up with another fiscal salvation.  Change the estate taxes, they say.  Super-Loaded people like Warren Buffett, Bill Gates and Abigail Disney claim that a 10% increase in the estate tax (called the DEATH TAX by Super-loudmouths like Sean Hannity) will bring in $250 billion in ten years.  Polls show voters oppose the DEATH TAX when it’s described as the DEATH TAX because they fear their own heirs will get hit with it.  Not likely.  In 2011 only 3200 estates paid the DEATH TAX.  Which isn't really a  DEATH TAX because contrary to what you may have heard on Fox (Faux) news – IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TAX DEAD PEOPLE.

        

That's five ideas for gittin' the fiscal house in order:  

1- Take food from poor people,

2- Take $$$$ from politicians,

3- Tax sex,

4- Tax pot,

5- Tax money left behind by dead people.

Which one do you suppose the Washington crowd will actually do?  I'm guessin' ...  #1.

REBELS WITHOUT A CLUE (but with plenty of green)

I was told by someone who probably didn't know what he was talking about that the TEA in Tea Party stood for Taxed Enough Already.  Maybe so.  Who cares.

Philosophically, the Tea Party wants to retake control of the government, to wrest power from what Tea Partiers perceive as an entrenched elite that is not responsive to the American people.  As a couple of big Tea Party muck-i-mucks wrote in 2010: The Tea Party  "... is a populist reaction to the smug elitism of our political class."

That's what any self-respecting rebel group, out there fighting for the little guy, would say. 

"We're takin' on THE MAN.  We're stickin' it to THE MAN.  That's what us Tea Party rebels are all about – tearin' down THE MAN."

Yeah.  Okay.  Fine.  Sounds Good.  Who doesn't favor helping the little guy?

But what about Tea Party leaders who actually are THE MAN.  How does THE MAN fight against THE MAN?

As one blatant example -- Take Dick Armey.  Please.

If there's anyone who personifies THE MAN in Washington elitism it's Armey.

Armey was former House Republican leader but then jumped ship when he saw which way the wind was blowing and became chairman of a Tea Party group called FREEDOMWORKS. 

As chairman of FREEDOMWORKS Armey's fight against THE MAN included such perks as a $500,000 yearly salary, first class air travel and a chauffeured car.

Nothing says rebel like a limo and driver.

Armey just quit FREEDOMWORKS because of differences over some Tea Party purity minutia.  As part of his anti-elite, takin' on THE MAN, Golden Tea Party Parachute, Armey -- the rebel fighting against politicians identical to himself, gets an $8 million going away bonus.

Did you say EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS??!!

Yes.

Wow.  Nice rebel work if you can get it.  That's 8 million reasons to take the fight to THE MAN, even in retirement, even if you're THE MAN.

Another rebel, cut from the same rebel cloth as Armey, fighting against THE MAN, is Jim DeMint.  

DeMint just quit his job as US senator from South Carolina to take on the fight to take on THE MAN in his new position as leader of the Heritage Foundation.

DeMint says his move is because this is "…a time when the conservative movement needs strong leadership in the battle for ideas."

Battling For Ideas.  Fighting for ideas.  Wrestling with ideas. That's the kind of battle any Tea Partier who likes to battle THE MAN can sink his teeth into.  Battling for ideas beats actual battling any day.

Be assured that DeMint's move is for the highest motives (it's all about ideas) and has nothing to do with the elitism that the Tea Party can't abide.

DeMint's Senate financial disclosures reveal he has a net worth of about $40,000.  His Senate salary is $174,000 (more than three and a half times that of the average American).  Conveniently for the Senator, he'll get a nice bump over at the Heritage Foundation.  DeMint's new job pays $1 million a year.  Better even than Armey's compensation in the battle against Washington elitism and vested interests.

DeMint is another rebel, he knows how to fight for ideas in the battle with THE MAN, but more significantly DeMint knows where THE MINT is.

SCROOGE, GRINCH, BOEHNER

John Boehner is acting all Grinchy.

If you don't know, John Boehner was not so long ago an obscure Ohio Congressman best known for the eerie orange glow of his epidermis gathered from long hours spent in tanning booths.  Why a grown man from Ohio where gray skin tones are the norm due to the six or seven months of dreary, overcast winters would waste his life laying in tanning beds is a mystery for the ages.

But then – proving that there is a Santa Claus -- Boehner became the Speaker of the House.  No one was probably more surprised by this unlikely development than Boehner himself.

Boehner was beside himself with JOY.  Becoming Speaker of the House is apparently a big deal if you're a politician (yawn).  It caused Boehner to cry right on the floor of the House.  Boehner's CUP OF JOY overflow-ith.  People were glad for John Boehner, that he would be so impressed with what seems a relatively minor thing, unless you're a politician.

But then Boehner's JOY turned to ashes in his mouth.

Lots of TV pundits who keep track of these things and then talk about them on political shows say that Boehner is caught between a cliff and a hard place.  That's because 70% of the American people say taxes should be raised on the richest 2% of tax payers, but Tea Baggers in Boehner's Republican House say NO WAY MAN WE'RE NOT RAISING THE TAXES ON BILLIONAIRES WE'RE GONNA CUT BENEFITS TO POOR CHILDREN AND OLD PEOPLE INSTEAD.

Boehner doesn't know what to do.  If he listens to 70% of the American people he will make the Tea Baggers angry and if he listens to the Tea Baggers then we will all GO OFF THE FISCAL CLIFF.  TOGETHER.  AAAAHHHHH!!!

It's a dilemma, for sure, so Boehner hit on the idea of blaming it all on Pres. O.  It's the O's fault if we all GO OFF THE FISCAL CLIFF.  

Even though … the Senate passed a fiscal package months ago that Pres. O says he'd sign.  But Boehner refuses to bring the Senate package to a vote in the House where pundits who know about these things say it would sail right on through.

Here's the Grinchy part of the story.  Boehner went up to the White House a week ago for a little Christmas party to light the Christmas tree and have a glass of egg nog (yuck) and eat a Christmas cookie or two and regale the attendees about his adventures in tanning beds.

When it was time to have the event recorded for future generations by the White House photographer Boehner refused to have his picture took with the O.

That's very Grinchy. 

It doesn't speak well of a man who fanatically  uses tanning beds.

Politicians need to put their differences aside at Christmas parties.  John Boehner should remember the words of Jesus, who is the reason for the season  – "Render unto Ceaser what is Ceasers."

That doesn't seem to fit does it?  Maybe it's the one about stones –"Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone."

Or the fishes? – "Follow me and I will make ye fishers of men."

I can't think of it right now but I'm sure something Jesus said would apply to Boehner's boorish behavior at the White House Christmas party.

If you have any ideas let me know.

Another excuse to Google Ashley Judd

If you know who Rand Paul is, raise your hand.  Nobody?  Really?

If you know who Ashley Judd is, raise your hand.  Yes, that Ashley Judd -- the actress.

Since nobody knows who Rand Paul is, here's an introduction:

1- He's a senator from Kentucky.

2- He endorsed Mitt Romney instead of his father Ron Paul for president.

3-  He compared legislation guaranteeing women the same pay as men to the old Soviet Union Poliburo.

4- He has introduced legislation in the Senate making it illegal to spend federal funds on bikeways (maybe they're too much like Soviet era Politburo bikeways).  

5- He was the only senator who opposed a bill making oil and gas pipelines safer, a bill even the OIL AND GAS INDUSTRY FAVORED.

6- Even though he's from a coal mining state where cases of black lung disease have been increasing (Paul mistakenly claimed they were decreasing) he is opposed to tougher regs that would prevent black lung.  Maybe Paul thinks that it's every American coal miners' right to get black lung disease as opposed to the old Soviet Union POLITBURO stance against black lung.

And speaking of coal mining we can now introduce (finally) Ashley Judd into the mix.

7- Ashley is thinking of running for senator in Kentucky against cranky old Mitch McConnell who filabusters his own senate bills.  

But Paul says Ashley's not smart enough.

8- To show how stupid Ashley is, Paul said this "She (Ashley) hates our biggest industry, which is coal."

Paul's statement actually shows how stupid Paul is, not Ashley. That's because Coal is the 13th biggest industry in Kentucky, not first.  First is manufacturing.

Based on what you know about Rand Paul, Mitch McConnell and Ashley Judd who do you think would make a better US Senator?

Pee Wee Herman?  Really?

Are you related to Rand Paul?

(What kind of name is Rand?)

I hereby rise to address the Senate about sitting down.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky is the numero uno Repub in the US Senate.  Kentucky is a great state to be from.  It has moonshine whiskey, bluegrass and race horses and it's a shame Mitch doesn't spend more time there.  A lot more time.

Though maybe if WE'RE ALL LUCKY Mitch'll be spending more time in Kentucky in the future.  That's because Ashley Judd is thinking of running against him. 

Ashley Judd, if you don't know, is a gorgeous movie star and a member of the famous country singing family Judds.  Although Ashley doesn't sing, she acts.  In movies.

If I lived in a place that had moonshine whiskey, bluegrass and race horses, with the choice of voting for a gorgeous movie star or another sour faced old white guy who's worn out his crankiness I'd be in heaven. 

All we ever get here in boring old Ohio is more of the same.  When's the last time a good looking movie star ran for the Senate in Ohio?   NEVER.  
Is Sherrod Brown a movie star?  No.  
Is Robbie Portman a movie star?  No.

 I'd vote as often as possible for Ashley and send the grouchy old guy – Mitch – out to pasture.

But people say Ashley isn't as qualified as McConnell, she doesn't have the smarts. 

Really?  Well how smart is this:

Yesterday McConnell made a motion to have the Senate vote on a measure that would allow the president to extend the country's debt limit.  McConnell made the motion thinking Harry Reid, the Senate's numero uno Democrat, wouldn't allow the vote to be held.  But Harry said, 'fine let's have the vote.'

At that point McConnell changed his mind and then FILABUSTERED HIS OWN PROPOSAL.

What did you just say? 

I said McConnell FILABUSTERED HIS OWN PROPOSAL! 

Wow.  That's like having an argument with your own self.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"You shut up."  

"No, you shut up."

I can affirm with something approaching metaphysical certitude that as the junior senator from Kentucky, Ashley Judd will never do anything as stupid as arguing with herself on the Senate floor.
And that makes her smarter than Yes No Yes No McConnell.

Actual News from Fox (Faux) News…

Dateline: Fantasyland.

Item #1: Fox News, where faux news is the news, has again started waging its yearly war against the imaginary War On Christmas. 

Angry Fox News pundit -- Bill O'Reilly, the most successful pundit in all of pundit land -- has bravely stepped in to fight the War On Christmas even though there is no War On Christmas.  But fighting the non-existent War On Christmas is good for ratings in O'Reilly's prime demographic – people who fall asleep in their recliners after eating their prunes.

O'Reilly is upset because some people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.   OUTRAGEOUS!

This is how insidious the fake War On Christmas is.  It begins with salutations of benign greeting to strangers and ends with godless atheist pagans devouring our newborn children.

Christians Beware: the heathens are out to steal our holiday, like the Grinch who stole Christmas.

Thankfully, O'Reilly is here to defend the indefensible. 

Although a priest who was a guest on O'Reilly's show said there was no War On Christmas and that O'Reilly was acting in an unchristian manner by displaying such an angry, unforgiving spirit. 

But what do priests know??
************************************************

Item#2:  Carl Rove, Republican mastermind once given the title of Bush's Brain (a title Rove has relinquished since Bush's approval rating is below that of bedbugs), just got bumped from the Fox (Faux) News  roster. 

Rove was a BIG PLAYER in the recent elections, spending more than $300 million of OPM (Other People's Money) NOT getting Republicans elected. 

Rove had a fit of pique on election night when Fox's own analysts called the election for Obama.  Rove insisted it was all a mistake. 

The election was supposed to go to Romney.  Rove hadn't counted on 52% of the voters in the country pulling the lever for O with only 47% for R. 

Rove's other candidates in Senate and House races were also trounced.  Rove earned less than 2% on his investment --- of OPM (Other People's Money).

But fear not, Rove – like a vampire rising from the grave – will be back.  No political operatives in this country – Democrat or Repub. -- ever go away.

And that's part of the problem.

*****************************************

Item #3:  Dick Morris, another Fox analyst, is also getting the boot.  Morris predicted with an absolute straight face before the election that Romney would win by a landslide. Hilarious. 

Morris also predicted Repubs would pick up 10 TEN Senate seats including the seat held by local hero – Sherrod Brown – but they actually lost a couple. 

Morris's other predictions included this gem – Obama would drop out of the race.  
Wow. No wonder the flat earthers love Morris – he lives in the same parallel universe they do.

*****************************************
Item#4: No announcement yet, but one suspects Sarah Palin's fifteen minutes have about run their course, too.  How long will it be before Palin goes back to Alaska … PERMANETLY?