I hereby rise to address the Senate about sitting down.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky is the numero uno Repub in the US Senate.  Kentucky is a great state to be from.  It has moonshine whiskey, bluegrass and race horses and it's a shame Mitch doesn't spend more time there.  A lot more time.

Though maybe if WE'RE ALL LUCKY Mitch'll be spending more time in Kentucky in the future.  That's because Ashley Judd is thinking of running against him. 

Ashley Judd, if you don't know, is a gorgeous movie star and a member of the famous country singing family Judds.  Although Ashley doesn't sing, she acts.  In movies.

If I lived in a place that had moonshine whiskey, bluegrass and race horses, with the choice of voting for a gorgeous movie star or another sour faced old white guy who's worn out his crankiness I'd be in heaven. 

All we ever get here in boring old Ohio is more of the same.  When's the last time a good looking movie star ran for the Senate in Ohio?   NEVER.  
Is Sherrod Brown a movie star?  No.  
Is Robbie Portman a movie star?  No.

 I'd vote as often as possible for Ashley and send the grouchy old guy – Mitch – out to pasture.

But people say Ashley isn't as qualified as McConnell, she doesn't have the smarts. 

Really?  Well how smart is this:

Yesterday McConnell made a motion to have the Senate vote on a measure that would allow the president to extend the country's debt limit.  McConnell made the motion thinking Harry Reid, the Senate's numero uno Democrat, wouldn't allow the vote to be held.  But Harry said, 'fine let's have the vote.'

At that point McConnell changed his mind and then FILABUSTERED HIS OWN PROPOSAL.

What did you just say? 

I said McConnell FILABUSTERED HIS OWN PROPOSAL! 

Wow.  That's like having an argument with your own self.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"You shut up."  

"No, you shut up."

I can affirm with something approaching metaphysical certitude that as the junior senator from Kentucky, Ashley Judd will never do anything as stupid as arguing with herself on the Senate floor.
And that makes her smarter than Yes No Yes No McConnell.